Most parents would do anything to protect their child, to suffer pain or punishment to prevent their child from feeling the same. When we fail – or even, sometimes, when the failure is not ours but merely the twist of fate – and our child is hurt, we blame ourselves, even if it is irrational. Most parents who have faced the unspeakable pain of losing a child know what it’s like to question choices and live with the guilt of “What if?”
This, I understand. What I don’t understand is what kind of parent can not feel that guilt or remorse over their actions, particularly when they were the ones responsible for their child’s death.
Many of you, like me, may have been following the case of southern Alberta couple Stephan David and Collet Stephan, who were charged and found guilty of failing to provide the necessities of life, after the 2012 death of their 18-month-old Ezekiel. Ezekiel was sick on-and-off again for two weeks, and the anti-vaccine, alternative medicine proponents treated their son over that time frame with homeopathic herbal remedies - even after a friend who was a registered nurse warned them he might have viral meningitis, even after he stopped eating and drinking, forcing them to keep him hydrated with an eyedropper, and even after he was so stiff that he could not sit upright.
The Stephans fought back the charge, framing the decision in wider terms about parental choice and rights, gaining notoriety for it.
“Ultimately it comes down to whether we have the right to vaccinate or not vaccinate without being held liable… or whether or not we have to rush our children to the doctor every time they even get just the sniffles in fear that something may just randomly happen and then we’re held liable,” David was quoted as saying.
I have no patience at all for anti-vaxxers and their ramblings about government or medical conspiracies and the non-existent link between vaccines and autism based on discredited research. Still, my heart went out to this couple for the loss of their son, a far greater punishment than any a court could mete out.
But as time went on, and as they pursued their defense, my sympathy eroded as they deflected blame, stoked up the zeal and ignorance of their supporters, and continued to peddle their snake oil, the nutritional supplements the family sells to battle mental disorders. When it came to Ezekiel’s death, the couple had the temerity to blame the medical system, since the ambulance was not equipped with the proper-sized equipment for a child.
Yes, the ambulance was not equipped with the proper equipment for a child. But the parents did not call the hospital until their son had stopped breathing, and by the time help arrived, Ezekiel was blue. It’s the equivalent of me cutting off my arm, waiting for an hour before calling 911, and then screaming at the paramedics for failing me when they show up.
David was sentenced to four months in jail, and his wife received three months of strict house arrest, with David’s lack of remorse for his actions in particular cited by the judge as the reason for his stiffer sentence.
That lack of remorse has boggled my mind. He and his wife are still alive to speak for themselves, but who was there to speak for Ezekiel while he suffered? This is more than just about a child with a case of “the sniffles.” While I believe alternative medicine has its place and can offer successful treatment, more and more, people are distrustful of modern medicine that has without doubt saved millions and millions of lives – that could have saved Ezekiel’s life, given a chance, when it was obvious the natural remedies were not working.
With all the evidence showing how effective modern medicine and vaccines have been in curbing diseases, these parents above all others should be accepting their failures and trumpeting the fact that modern medicine is not the enemy – modern ignorance is. They have paid the ultimate price with the loss of their son, one they will feel the rest of their life. Perhaps it will take them that long to feel the guilt of the knowledge that it was they, and no one else, that failed him.
