Accepting yourself is no easy task. Many of us spend untold minutes looking at the mirror critically or avoiding the mirror entirely, wishing we had a different face, different skin or a different body. Sometimes those messages about how you could be better come from others, from little jokes, digs and insults that chip away at your self-worth over months and years, but over time, you internalize it and keep that record playing in your head, a constant drum of the dozens of ways you could be better.
Two years ago, I stepped on a scale and was shocked to see I had gained 12 lbs. without even noticing it, the product of a desk job and little exercise. I started to exercise more regularly, and while the number on the scale moved only a little, I began to feel better about my fitness level, enough to tackle something I've always wanted to do – St. Paul’s annual rodeo mile.
Now, I know from covering athletic events for the past 10 years that there are people who crack five-minute miles, and that I wasn't anywhere close to that. But I just wanted to start and finish the race at a steady jog. When the starting pistol went off, however, and everybody set off at a clip far ahead of me, I realized I could end up really embarrassing myself, that even the parade might overtake me.
However, as I slowly jogged down St. Paul's main street, I began noticing everyone calling out encouragement, each cheer and clap, people hollering at me to keep going and that I was doing good work. Some were familiar faces, others were total strangers - but every cheer buoyed my spirits and saved me from any embarrassment from the start to the finish line.
It was amazing - not because it was a great achievement, but because it wasn't. It wasn't a gargantuan challenge, yet no one cared that I didn't climb the Himalayan mountains or finish a triathlon. They cheered me just for showing up, and that touched me right at my core, and in fact, even made me shed a tear or two as I came back and saw my smiling family.
I began noticing all the other people who talked and shared about their accomplishments. Some were young, slim athletes who it didn't surprise me to see out there racing like the wind, but others didn't fit my pre-conceived notions, whether it was young kids, older athletes in their 50s or 60s or stockier people. I even read about one man who started his journey at more than 300 lbs., each step a hard and painful one, before he progressed to the point he could run half-marathons.
I realized that there was no one size fits all when it came to people pushing themselves to self-worth and success, whatever that looked like. You can't use someone else's life, career or achievements as your yardstick, but instead, you must set your own. I can spend however much time is left in my life, letting the echoes of past putdowns make me feel constantly coming up short against everyone else I've ever met, or I can throw those comparisons at the window and hold myself to my own regard.
We're on this journey for a short time. We can waste it hating ourselves, hurting nobody but ourselves with anger, jealousy, self-doubt and self-hatred. Or we can take a step to do the little things to make ourselves better and to feel good - not about the results, no, not that number on the scale or the body we see in the mirror - but about the process of getting up every morning and treating life like a battle to do better and feel better and cheer your fellow warriors alongside you for doing the same thing. It's not a sprint to the finish line; it's keeping your stride going for the long haul, wherever that leads you.
