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The most important person

My husband’s grandmother told him, in advance of our wedding, that from the moment we got married onwards, I should always be the most important person in his life.

My husband’s grandmother told him, in advance of our wedding, that from the moment we got married onwards, I should always be the most important person in his life.

I liked the sound of it at the time – who wouldn’t? We all live at the centre of our own universes. But over the years, her meaning has come to resonate even more, particularly as we have added members to our family, that we should both be the most important people in each other’s lives.

It’s so easy, as a parent, to get wrapped up in your children and put them ahead of everything else. They are so dependent on us and so beautiful and perfect in their infancy, that they grow around your heart similar to a boa constrictor, choking out every bit of attention and energy you might devote to anything else. (Wow, I swear that analogy sounded a lot nicer in my head).

But without the happiness and satisfaction of the root of a family tree - the partnership between two partners (or more, I guess, if you live in Bountiful, B.C. or Utah, but in which case you have larger problems) - the entire tree is poisoned.

That’s why it makes so much sense to me that during this past month of the election campaign, why so many people pointed to the support of their spouse as a major factor in the decision to run and/or to hold office. I often hear that from people who aren’t traditional 9-5 workers, such as RCMP, firefighters or oilfield workers, that they give credit to their spouses for being supportive and understanding, so they can do the work they do.

When my husband decided that he would take this year off from work to study, my initial reaction was one of total support and understanding. And if you read that and just nodded in appreciation, I’m sorry to admit that was a total fabrication. My initial reaction was, of course, panic. As a parent/mother, my psychology is hard-wired to an evolved tendency to preserve stability. Taking chances and rocking the boat is not in my DNA.

But once I finished hyperventilating and threw away the paper bag, I could see it in a more sensible light. In life, things don’t always work like a dot-to-dot puzzle. Sometimes, you have to take your pencil off the page and draw your own design, making something much less tidy, but altogether more rewarding. Now that we’re in the midst of this change, I see and appreciate how he is working hard, juggling the roles of student, father and teacher, to the benefit not only of himself, but of our whole family.

Similarly, I know that I have that same support from him. Many times, people have reminded me that I am lucky to have such a husband, who would move countries and universes to support my dreams and aspirations, and it’s something I never take for granted.

If you have faith in each other and each other’s abilities, strengths and talents, then making big changes to your life seems easier, because you know that your partner – that most important person in your life – is behind you and beside you, to make the impossible possible and the improbable, a reality. Then instead of worrying, you can share the excitement of watching that non-dot-to-dot drawing take shape and take flight.




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