I’ve been thinking of the nature of competition lately. Right from childhood, a hot-headed streak of competitiveness has held me captive. But because I am lousy at so many things and lose often, it ends up leading to anger and disappointment, whether it was losing to my younger brother in chess or sports, or losing to my equally competitive husband in all manner of stupid things, from ping-pong to bottle flipping.
Now, when my daughter starts tearing up after a loss or my son starts to upturn his Foosball table because he got beaten, I say, “Hey, don’t be a poor sport!”, but inwardly, a small part of me thinks, ‘Yeah, I feel your pain, losing does suck. Let’s break everything together.’
Competition is built into everything around us, whether it’s sports games or awards ceremonies, or in life, who’s doing well for themselves and who’s not. That competition was part and parcel of growing up as an Indian child – all my friends and I were compared to each other by our parents, and even now, my successful peers will tell me I’m winning because at least I’ve given my parents grandchildren!
The nature of awards and competition came back to me again when I read about the controversies over this year’s Grammys. While superstar Adele swept the major awards, many were outraged that Beyonce was robbed in the Album of the Year category, with several feeling this was a snub based on race and with Adele herself saying Beyonce should have won.
To me, however, this seems beside the point. I know most musicians would love to be an awards-collecting juggernaut like Adele. But when people think of Grammy performers and nominees like Adele, Beyonce or even the amazing local Northern Cree singers, their power is not measured in how many gold-plated gramophones they’ve racked up. Their impact, rather, comes from how they make people feel, how Adele captures the heartache of a devastating breakup, or how Beyonce can’t fail to get us moving with her catchy hooks, or in the case of Northern Cree, how they made us feel the heartbeat of Mother Earth and put First Nations culture front and centre for the world.
We, as individuals, need to put the winning of awards and accolades – and losing as well - in its place. While it is great to be recognized and honoured for doing well, what we need to value is the impact of our work and play – the spike of adrenaline and excitement of playing a sport and how it improves our health and well-being; how mathematicians and scientists are making progress to create better technologies and treatments for diseases such as cancer; what an act of joy it is to create and take in beautiful poetry, music or art and more. I know for myself, hearing a reader tell me they’ve enjoyed something I’ve written is far more meaningful than any writing award.
So maybe it’s taken me three decades to figure this out, and learning from my kids, but I know now it’s really not about winning, it’s about playing the game.
